Unicorn Roots

Society & Sexuality

Physical barriers are just some of the challenges that the disabled LGBTQ+ community faces. As I’ve touched on in other posts, societal attitudes often desexualize and dehumanize disabled people in general. Fortunately, modified sexual education, adaptive techniques, assistive technology (yes, even in the bedroom), and inclusive healthcare can help address some of this. For specific examples and resources, check out the Disability Resources page (Disability Resources, 2026).

One disability that often emphasizes the desexualization of those with disabilities is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD often affects communication, behavior, and sensory processing, but it does not affect the process of sexual development. One common trait is a difficulty with social interactions, which is why people with ASD often benefit from being directly taught that sexual feelings are normal, but acting on those feelings should only take place privately and between consenting adults. Open, honest conversations about sexuality can give autistic people direct permission to explore their feelings and ask questions without fear of judgment. Teaching them to communicate clearly with their partners about boundaries, reinforcing that they deserve complete respect, will support healthy development (Haghighi, 2023).

A 2021 study found that while people with ASD generally develop sexuality in the same way as neurotypical people, difficulties with social behavior, lower quality sexual education, ableism, desexualization, stigma, and social exclusion tend to lead to poorer knowledge of sex and privacy. Planned Parenthood recommends teaching prepubescent autistic children about puberty before developmental changes begin, teaching them about reproductive health, safe sex, and appropriate behavior. However, I would argue that this kind of thorough early education could benefit everyone, not just those on the spectrum (Haghighi, 2023).

For autistic kids, these conversations may go more smoothly when accompanied by other activities because of the common discomfort with eye contact. Using “what if” phrasing can also accommodate the slower processing that many on the spectrum experience. For example, taking a quiet walk with your autistic preteen and asking them something like “What if your period starts at school?” can start a low-pressure conversation in a casual, comfortable way (Haghighi, 2023).

Some people with ASD may also have difficulty distinguishing between public and private spaces or between different types of relationships, distinctions that affect what constitutes appropriate behavior. It’s equally important for autistic people and their partners to understand that healthy relationships are built on communication, trust, respect, honesty, and mutual acceptance. For many, this means establishing and maintaining clear boundaries from the very beginning (Haghighi, 2023).

One comment I have heard more often than I’d like to admit is some variation of “how could someone with ASD even enjoy sex,” usually in reference to sensory sensitivities. It’s true, many people with ASD find the sensory nature of sex overwhelming and uncomfortable to think about. However, this does not mean that everyone on the autism spectrum is asexual. It simply means that communication and accommodation are where the real joy starts. These accommodations can be simple: tying hair back, wearing thin clothing, and creating safewords or gestures can make a significant difference (Haghighi, 2023).

These relationships might not look traditional, but small changes can even add a sense of novelty and fun. As long as everyone involved is informed, consenting, and age-appropriate, a fulfilling relationship is very possible. Of course, we also have to consider the role of intersectionality when thinking about multiple identities, which actually has roots in black feminism (Green et al., 2023).

The sociological concept of intersectionality illustrates how overlapping identities can create a layered sense of oppression, leaving people to feel like falling through the cracks. Research confirms that disability is more common in the LGBTQ+ community, and surveys show that LGBTQ+ people with disabilities often feel less connected to the LGBTQ+ community than their non-disabled peers. The more their activities were limited by disability, the stronger their sense of rejection. One study found that aside from HIV and breast cancer, LGBTQ+ people with disabilities often felt invisible in the LGBTQ+ community. After all, an LGBTQ+ identity is often inherently a sexual one, while disabled people are routinely desexualized. While self-acceptance of intersecting identities has been shown to benefit overall mental health, it doesn’t change how society sees LGBTQ+ people with disabilities or the inevitable discrimination we face (Green et al., 2023).

To complicate matters further, researchers have categorized several types of overlapping societal identities. Intersectional identities are those that are fully inseparable from one another. Interactive identities mutually reinforce each other. And parallel identities draw analogies between their related natures (Green et al., 2023). Clearly, these distinctions only become more complex when psychology weighs in.

References

Disability Resources (2026). Sexuality and Disability: Comprehensive Guide & Resource Directory. DisabilityResources.org. https://www.disabilityresources.org/sex.html

Haghighi, A.S. (2023). How does autism affect sexuality and sexual relationships? Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/autism-and-sex

Green, A.K., Gomes, R.S.M., Heinze, N., Kempapidis, T. (2023). Queer and Disabled: Exploring the experiences of people who identify as LGBT and live with disabilities. MDPI.com. https://www.mdpi.com/2673-7272/4/1/4